Empty Eyes

Have you ever thought to yourself: What do I live for? or What matters most to me?

It has been over 15 months since I have been here in North Carolina. I can hardly believe it. Over the past 15 months I have been able to see many people with many different desires. It interests me to be able to sit down with all of these people and get to know what they look forward to in this life. As you might imagine, these desires range from working on cars, to supporting a family, to tending a garden. I love being able to see what matters most to people.

I will not soon forget one of these wonderful people I have sat down with. The man I am referring to was the husband of one of my favorite investigators. His name was Al. They lived in a cozy, brick home in a quaint town. It seemed like every time we would show up, without fail, Al would be out front with his walker gardening out front. Needless to say, his garden was beautifully kept. Al would always sit in on lessons and nod his head and give input every once in a while. After 5 months of getting to know this friendly couple we began to see their desires and what they look forward to in life. We soon found that Al is one of those men that loves getting things done and being able to work with his hands, especially in his garden. In a lot of ways, he reminded me of my grandfather. Like my grandpa, as Al got older and older he felt like he wasn't able to do the things that he used to. His health continued to decline as we visited the couple. He had a few falls and a few trips to the hospital. His wife worried about him quite often.

On a visit in the last little bit I was there, my heart broke for Al. Each visit he seemed to be less and less engaged and subsequently more and more distant. Finally, one night he completely broke down. This man that used to have so much purpose now was completely distraught. As tears rolled from his eyes he told stories of the time when he grew up on a farm in Maine. He would ride horses, till the soil, plant seeds, and reap from the harvest. He reminisced on the things he had achieved in this life and reflected on how absolutely incapable he felt now. He was devastated that he couldn't even uphold a garden now. He had what I have come to know as "empty eyes." Empty eyes the result of hitting rock bottom and feeling as though there is nothing left. As I looked into Al's empty eyes, I saw a piece of my grandpa in him. 

I will promise anyone on earth the same thing that we promised Al that night. There is more to life than this. When it is all said and done things like working on cars, supporting a family, or tending a garden are great things to do in this life to gain experience but ultimately we don't take cars, money, or our garden with us. I know that when we leave from this life we have the ability to be with our family again, to return with God, and ultimately experience joy that we cannot comprehend. Let us all take some time to evaluate what matters most to us. Focus on those things that matter most. Reach out to a friend, bond with your family, and achieve worthy goals. I know that the happiness that comes from those things is the happiness that will last into the life to come.

The Future is Bright

The other day I was pondering on the fact that our loving God would let some of his children go through trials, even devastating trials at times. The hardest thing I have seen on my mission is when innocent, kind people are hurt. I realize, the unenviable pattern of life is that everyone on earth will have ups and downs. Just looking at life logically, it is impossible to have all our days be better than average. Some days will be fantastic and others will be heart-breaking. But if God is really there, and God really loves us, why?

In the Bible, 5th chapter of Mathew it says

          "That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust."

An instant parallel that opened up to my mind as I read that verse is like any Father and Child (or Mother and child) relationship. If the child always got what he wanted, if they are anything like me, life would consist of ice-cream for every meal, late nights, no homework, sleeping in, and simply living in the moment. That would be absolutely fantastic for the first day or two but it would slowly begin to become detrimental on the children. Likewise, more often than not, experiences teach us vital life lessons and skills. Our Father in Heaven allows these trials come upon us so that we might come out stronger.

I know what it is like to feel sad, inadequate, or discouraged. We all do. But as we look up to the future ahead and have faith, one day it will all be well. I love the quote from Thomas S. Monson at the top. "Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith."

New Teacher

The experiences I have had thus far on my mission truly humble me.

This week I would like to talk about Daniel, one of the Haitian investigators Elder Gardner and I get to work with. Daniel lives at the end of a dead end street here in Lumberton, NC. On any given trip down Daniel's street chances are you would see many more Haitian refugees outside their homes talking and laughing. Daniel stands at roughly 6 foot 4 inches I would guess and always wears a smile ear to ear. The rest of his family still lives back in Haiti but he hopes to have them with him soon.

This past week two areas in Lumberton were consolidated leaving me with many investigators that other missionaries had been working with, most of which are Haitian. This process of meeting these new people is a normal thing in missionary work and usually comes with quite a bit of work. The tendency is that most investigators take some time to get used to the new missionary and their might even be some apprehension at first. To my surprise this was not the case at all with Daniel and many others.

It was my first day working with Elder Gardner and I was nervous because I hadn't learned much Creole yet. We drove down Daniel's street and pulled up to his house. Moments after we knocked on his door it swung open, he looked at me with his big smile and said, "NEW TEACHER!" He invited us in and smiled as he listened to the message we shared that day. Daniel showed so much love for me.

From house to house the love of these humble people has been the same. Though their earthly possessions are few, it always seems like they are trying to give you everything they have. I have never seen a happier group of people in my life. I am excited for the many more adventures to come!

Mother's Day

Many times on my mission my companion and I have been invited over to families homes for dinner. I love the opportunity we have to meet with all of these people. Not too long ago, we had the opportunity to go over to yet another families home.

We all sat together and talked as usual and enjoyed the evening. As missionaries, at the end of the dinner we usually share a brief spiritual message to show our gratitude to those who were kind enough to let us in. When we were sharing a message about prayer the mother just broke down in tears. Choking on her tears, she told us how her son (who was gone that night) hadn't talked to her all weekend and wouldn't eat. She was so worried about her son. You could see the distress and love in her eyes. We promised her that all would be well.

Fast forward to that night I did a lot of contemplating. I had never really come to see a mother's love in that light until that evening. What makes the bond between a mother and her child so deep? The divine love that mothers have is no doubt inspired.

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed. -The Family a Proclamation to the World

It made me look back on my life and realize how much my mother has always loved me. My heart breaks to know that at one time or another, just like the mother we talked to, my mom probably shed a tear or two worrying about me. My mom has always been patient with my siblings for all my life. I am thankful that God has given me such a great family and the example that my parents have set for me!

Happy Mothers Day!
(AKA Missionaries get to talk to their family day)

Walks of Life

In this wonderful world that we live in, it is easy to see the differences between each and every one of us that call Earth home. Diversity is found on a broad scale whether it be diversity in culture, religion, nationality, or race. Although we all differ in many instances, I would like to suggest that we all have a major commonality and that is that we all have faith.

Now, before you challenge that statement, hear me out. On my mission, I have had the wonderful chance to meet people from all over the world with all different walks of life. With that, I have been able to talk to people of many different religious backgrounds. Some of these include Muslims, Non-denominational Christians, atheists, baptists,  agnostics and yes a few Mormons too! The amazing thing is that each of them has faith in something no mater what it may be. A scholar has faith in his research, just as a Christian has faith in Christ. A scientist has faith in his theories, just as an agnostic has a faith in a greater power. In the book of Hebrews we learn from the words, "now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." If you ask me, there are many things we hope for. 

Many of us hope for a better world. We might hope for a bright future for our family or children. In fact, little tasks like setting an alarm for the next day exercises faith. We hope that we will see another day, so we might set that alarm and even make plans for the next day, even though the next day is never a guarantee. In a very real sense then, faith is what fuels us.

Faith is the light that allows us to see. The exact opposite of the darkness that comes from fear. Real growth comes from an increase of our faith. In the wise words of President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "The perfect place to begin is exactly where you are right now. It doesn't matter how unqualified you may think you are or how far behind others you may feel . . . The darkness may not dissipate all at once, but as surely as night always gives way to dawn, the light will come."

I know that we all have faith and as we exercise faith, God will bless us. Faith is the first stepping stone on the path to happiness, no matter what walk of life we come from. I know this because in the times that I let my fears conquer my faith I have always fallen. There is a brighter future and I know that as President Uchtdorf said, "the light will come."

It's Contagious

On a mission, there are plenty of activities that we do with our time. Last week after a snowstorm that hit North Carolina, we got to add one more activity to the list: SNOW SHOVELING! 

Although we don't watch the news, last Tuesday we heard through the grape vines that a huge snow storm was coming. Elder Holt and I decided to make the best of this by making it into a service opportunity. After a quick phone call we were able to locate one snow shovel and one square-nosed shovel (apparently that is quite a feat here in NC because nobody owns a snow shovel). The next day we were up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready for a day in the snow. We weren't sure where to start but we felt prompted to go to a neighborhood of a member in our ward.

After slipping and sliding all over the country roads we made it to our destination. We saw our first target, a man wearing a New York Giants beanie shoveling his drive way. We hopped out of the car and grabbed a few shovels to help him finish the job. He was genuinely surprised that we helped him out. He offered us money but we told him we weren't allowed to take it. We asked him who he knew in the neighborhood that might be elderly that we could go to next. His face lit up as he referred us to the house down the road of a man who had a back surgery. Later, when we were shoveling the elderly man's walk the man in the beanie seamed to appear from nowhere to help us serve his neighbor. Something is contagious about service. Once again the man in the beanie's face lit up.

The rest of our morning was spent bouncing from house to house shoveling driveways and asking the homeowner who we could visit next. All of them with similar responses to the first, first offering us money or a drink then sharing with us a friend who might be in need of help. One of my favorite comments came from a man who said, "Wow, I hope they have Mormons in Georgia! They got hit a lot harder than us." At the last house we were shoveling a white haired lady came outside. She told us how thankful she was because her husband was in a scooter and couldn't do it himself. Then we told her that we had to go for a meeting but we promised we would be back. She thanked us again and we left.

To my amazement, when we came back after the meeting she had two bags on the doorstep waiting for us. They were filled with some clothes that she wanted to donate to some people who might need clothes. Once again we learned that service is contagious.

God loves us. There is a certain happiness that comes from reaching out to somebody and doing something for them. We live in a world where it becomes easy to focus on ourselves but as we reach out for others we will see what really matters in this life.